Day 90 - Happy Birthday to Me (aka the Project ends)

Good Morning and Happy Easter!

Today is the final day of the official Stacey Campbell Fitter or Fatter at 44 project.  I'm happy to report that although I'm not fitter, I'm not any fatter either (so that's something right?) but more importantly, I'm SMARTER when it comes to my battle of the bulge.

I learned so much in the last 90 days.  I've experienced emotional and now physical (I recently visited a podiatrist for Plantar Faciaitis, yeah it was fun) setbacks that weren't anticipated.  I've learned I'm an extremist when it comes to just about anything with an all or nothing, black or white mindset.  This is not a healthy way to think and makes overcoming 20+ years of being overweight like a bad science experiment.  Must have a strict plan to pursue my personal quest to pursue at all costs!  Obsessed!!  So obsessed that my goals can be unrealistic, my tactics self destructive to my emotional health.  Setting my self up for failure.

I've started therapy and am working to change my mindset and understand what some of my issues are.  Although we haven't focused specifically on weight and for that matter, never really intended to, some of the tools I'm learning can be applied in the weight loss arena as well. 

So my birthday will pass quietly today because that's how I wanted it this year.  A quiet day of reflection and to make a non-obsessive game plan for how I can make small changes in the future that will improve my health and fitness without letting it completely take over my entire life.   My goal is to be able to work on my "issues" in a more balanced and sustainable fashion.  Very small improvements over time while enjoying my life.

That sounds like a pretty good plan....

Day 76 - This doesn't "feel" healthy

It feels like another cause of stress in my life. I read once that to be thin, think/act/eat like a thin person.  Thin people don't obsess. At least the few I know don't obsess.  Even if they do, I'm sure that's not what I want.  I'm not willing to be thin at any cost.  Again, I just caught that I'm using "thin" instead of "fit", I have to stop that.

Need to think more on this...

Day 70 - Snacks

It's Sunday night, I'm trying to anticipate what will throw me over the edge this week.  We have a new fun thing at work where everyone has food all over the place all the time.  I've got some snacks prepped for my 4 day work week: almonds, yogurt, oranges and grapes.  I also usually eat a bell pepper each day. You know what they say, a bell pepper a day...what does it do again??

Anyway, that has to be it, no work snacks.  I'm absolutely positive that cheeze-its are the spawn of satan.

Fight the good fight!  :)

Day 68 - A little doggie therapy

This is not Cleopas but it's darn cute!

I recently began volunteering at our local animal shelter here in Las Vegas.  There are so many dogs and I volunteer as a dog-walker.  We socialize the dogs, get them out of the kennels and work to keep them sane until they are adopted.  I figured I would get some exercise, interact with dogs (I want one but it's not a good time to have one) and be helping a worthy cause at the same time.  Who knew that I would get so much out of it so quickly?

I was there for a couple hours this morning and the last dog I worked with, a chihuahua named Cleopas, was a little scaredy cat that I ended up carrying around the bungalows instead of walking.  I keep little doggie treats with me to help the timid ones warm up to me but she wouldn't have one, not even interested.  I told her "You must not be hungry" and then I started thinking, the other dogs who took the treats had the same food available that Cleopas had. I hadn't assumed they were hungry because they took treats. They just love those treats! Like I just love ice cream and pizza.   I've always laughed at sayings like "If you won't eat an apple, then you're not really hungry" thinking whoever came up with that must have never had an eating problem.  Well, it's not sounding so stupid to me now.  The tricky part is understanding whether you're really physically hungry or you're feeding something else besides your stomach.  Just eating cause it tastes good or makes you feel good.  Really, it's just food.  It's function is to keep us going so we can devote time to important things in our lives, important people, causes, responsibilities and the important fun stuff, exercise, laughter, adventure!  This doesn't mean it has to be bland or we have to only eat apples but it does mean we have to understand why we're reaching for cheeze-its at work when we just ate an hour prior.

When did (and why did) my expectation of what food is supposed to do for me change?  I'll be thinking about it over the next few days and when I eat, I have to be mindful of what I'm expecting the food I eat to do for me.  I need to focus on the other areas of my life, the areas that eating well allows me to participate in instead of thinking about just the "eating" part.  I'll be thanking Cleopas on Sunday :)

Fight the good fight!

Day 66 - I'm just getting that I'm just NOT getting it

I'm driving home tonight from work and of course my brain is on overdrive as usual.  The author of a book I read once described it as having a Monkey Mind, my brain swinging from thought to thought etc.  Eventually, the monkey mind got to my weight...it always does and reflecting on the day.  I had three different friends talk to me at work today about their eating/fitness habits and two of them actually were looking to ME for motivation and inspiration.  I told  them I wished I had brilliant words of wisdom to share but I was struggling too.  Neither knew what to say to me..I always have the answer, I'm always the cheerleader...sisk boomba...hooo raahh??  Not this time gang...sorry :(

So the monkey is swinging away and POOF!!  guess what?  I'm still not getting the point my whole blog was created about!!!  Really???  I'm 66 days in and I'm still focusing on a damn number on a scale. My blog/concept is Fitter or Fatter at 44??  It's not I Need to Lose Weight, the Pounds Countdown, 179 or bust...it's "fitter" or "fatter" at 44...ok Stacey, you know what to do....

Day 64 - A psychic for a psycho?

So I can't quite figure myself out.  I've been  running around in the same circle off and on for close to 4 years now.  I should have won this battle long ago and been living the thin life, but instead I keep replaying like a broken record.. gee I'm unhappy in the 220's and afraid for my own health and well being, I should set goals....get under 200 and then I work hard and make it and then woo hoo! Time to celebrate.  Then the next big goal, the 180's...ok got it.  Then the next goal 179, ok!  But it doesn't happen.  WHY?????  Why does 179 look to me just like this??

1 you just 7 are not gonna reach 9 this goal ever Stacey

So I get frustrated and pretty much give up and then have to start all over again.  What is the matter with me?  I've even gone to a psychic recently and asked if I have some deep-seeded emotional issues I'm not aware of that prevent me from doing this.  She matter of factly said "No, you just have an oral fixation."  Well now, thank you, that's very helpful...lovely.  Thanks.  Hmmm.....

Anyway. I'm not doing it again.  I'm up in the 190s AGAIN right now and it's not getting any higher. Maybe instead of focusing on 179 I need to shift to staying in the 180's.  180 anything is certainly better than 220 anything, or 200 anything or 190 something.  Fit in the 180's is even better.  I think that's what I need to focus on.  For some reason 179 is freaking me out so screw it!  I'll stay in the damn 180's for awhile...

Fight the good fight my friends!  :)

Day 57 - No really, today is Day 57!

I labeled yesterday as Day 57.  Hope I'm practicing better math with my calories than I am with my days..oops!

Today was Monday weigh in with the wellness coach, Wendy...as I suspected, not great.  It's ok, it's 194.  Sure doesn't take much to put on 6 lbs but damn, try to lose it and it's like pushing a rock uphill. <note to self: calculate calorie burn on pushing rocks uphill>

So today I barely made it through the day, I was so tired!  You know all the components interact with each other for and against us.  Eat poorly, don't exercise and feel "blah" so you have no energy to exercise and no motivation to do well.  Then the scale gives us our report card and that adds to the blah factor and it has to stop before it spirals right out of control!  So tonight I should have gone to the park or the gym or something but it's what, 8:30? and I'm barely awake enough to make sense.   I'm turning in early and you can't stop me.

I did well today, lots of sassy water, no soda (not even diet) and had vegetable soup and a low cal grilled cheese for dinner.  Plenty of good food to take tomorrow and with a good night's rest, maybe will have more energy tomorrow night. A few days of eating clean will get me going again.  Maybe I can get on the stepper while I'm watching Biggest Loser?  Even if just for commercials?  I love that show.

Hope you all have a great week and be good to yourselves.  Fight the good fight!

Day 57 - Ok, here we go again!

It's getting down to the wire on this project, end date (aka 44th birthday) is 4/24 so about a month left.  Pretty much lost all control this past week and tonight I am fighting back the feelings of guilt and remorse.  I'm a good cheerleader, for others as well as myself, I'll get past this.  It's only a week, not like I went haywire for weeks on end...just a few days.  It will tip the scales though.  You and I both know it..doesn't take much.

Anyway, I spent the last few hours prepping for the work week.  My house is clean, fresh flowers out, laundry done, plants watered. I baked a chicken, made a big batch of veggie soup and have steel cut oats in the crock pot for my breakfasts. Going to hop in the shower, read one of my favorite,  most inspiring books and maybe meditate a little before bed.

I know what I have to do, I know I can make it work...you guys inspire me, thank you.  Let's do it....

Day 53 - Struggling...Struggling

I think that about says it all... 

I just have to get through today and then I'm off for 3 (maybe 4 if I take Monday off) days and I need to use this time to refocus.  My goals are within my reach and I'm struggling...<sigh>

Hope you're all doing well.  Fight the good fight!

Day 49 - My "Window"

I have a tendency to nickname things..my car (Fred), my laptop (DELLbert), my friends (Jules, LBA, Chica, Principessa), my cat (Meow Bucket, Boo Boo) etc..  For quite some time now, I've had a nickname for a 6-pound weight range that I seem to get stuck in....The Window <queue woman shrieking here> dun dun DUN!!!    Until I my unfortunate 12-pound gain of Holiday Love, it would seem that if I worked really really hard, ate well, worked out etc., that I could get to 188.  If I skipped some workouts, had a couple extra snacks or went balls out one weekend, it would creep to 193 and no higher.  

So right now, I'm sitting at 188 as of last Monday's weigh in.  Although I was super happy to see any number in the 180's, now that I've had almost a week for it to sink in, I'm actually a little freaked out about tomorrow's weigh in.  Truly freaked out!  Like freaked out enough that I think I might skip the weigh in tomorrow completely.  Sounds like a chickeny thing to do but here's my rationale:  Bad numbers suck life from motivation!   One of my fellow bloggers, Shan, is experiencing this right now and I truly feel for her...I know the pain well and the mental challenges that go with it.

What if I waited another week to weigh?  Pushed super hard.  I mean working out daily for one more week, continuing to eat right, lots of water and tea etc?? Journal, journal, journal??  Focus all week on this one goal.  I would HAVE to be out of The Window by then right??

What would you do?

Day 45 - Mid-weigh through this adventure

Happy Day 45, Stacey!  You're doing great.  :)  <-----This is my "speak kindly to yourself" portion of my day...lol    I'm halfway through my 90-day fitter or fatter by 44 experiment and I would have to say that although I didn't start off with quite the bang I had in mind as far as pounds lost, my numbers are showing improvement!   I screwed up last night trying to take a Step class and showed up after it had already been going for 1/2 hour so I jumped on the treadmill and am happy to say that my endurance is improved.  When I began 45 days ago, I could run for about 2 minutes and went .15 of a mile.  Last night I did 6.5 minutes and made half a mile!   So the Couch to 5K must be working!  Woo hoo :)

I'm going to keep moving forward.  I'm hoping to hit 170 by the end of this project but my immediate goal is to get to 179.  When I lost weight before, almost 4 years ago, the lowest I got was 181 pounds and that was only for one week and then I sat at the high 180's, where I'm at now, and then got right back in the 200's pretty quick.  I'm not doing that again, I'm flirting with the 180's but the romance will be short lived.  I need to get to 179 so I know I'm done losing the same weight "again" and that I'm making improvement by continuing what I started 4 years ago.  I think the running is going to be a big help.  I am gonna do this!!!!!   

Happy Day 45 everyone :)  Fight the good fight!

Day 43 - Hello 180's!

Quick check in...I hit the 180's again. Woo hoo!!  I was stuck in the 180's the end of last year for a few months (before gaining my lovely 12 pounds of holiday love) and was miserable.  Today?  I'm loving that I'm back in them.  Will post my mid-journey info on Wednesday night.  So far, down 9 pounds and feeling great.

Fight the good fight!

Day 40 - Time flies whether you're having fun or not

Wow, what a week I had at work...long days, crazy days but I am happy to report I did very well with my food decisions and still got some exercise (aka Couch to 5K training) in as well.  Unfortunately, that didn't leave time for blogging, reading my favorite blogs or my guilty pleasure, playing facebook games.  There's just not enough hours in the day!  I have the next three days off and will get caught up AND get some good cardio in.  Tonight, I'm gonna Zumba, tomorrow is my favorite Step class and I think Sunday I'm going to find a movie to watch on cable and watch it at the gym on a treadmill!  Somewhere along the way, I need to do my Bob Harper weight work out.  I know my weigh in Monday will be a number in the 180's..it's got to be after how hard I'm working.  I will post my weight on Monday and then next Wednesday I hit day 45, the halfway point of this adventure and will take and post my measurements etc that night to compare with my starting stats.  Whatever they are, I will own them.  I've already learned so much from myself and from your blogs and your comments..Thank You :)

Happy Friday and remember to fight the good fight!

Day 36 - A couple pounds down and Couch to 5K

It's Monday, aka "weigh day" and it wasn't too bad all things considered.  I'm down exactly 3 lbs in the two weeks since I last weighed, I'll take that!  Considering most of last week was lost to a cold, I'll take that.  So I'm eating a big plate of egg beaters with Jennie O Turkey Pastrami and Reduced Fat Sargento Mexican Cheese and then I'm headed to the park to do night 1 of week 1 of the Couch to 5K training program.  Supposedly, by the end of the 8th week, if you can keep up the pace of the training schedule, they've got you (or really, me, I guess) ready for a 5k run, which is just a little over 3 miles.  I'm not sure if I can make that pace but I know I can do week one activities of running for 60 seconds and walking for 90 seconds in intervals for 20 minutes.  I'll take it a week at a time, if it does take longer than 8 weeks, so be it.  I go to walk at the park a couple times a week anyway so this will just give it some structure as training/exercise.  I'm excited.  One of the problems will be that I live in Las Vegas and in a couple or three months when I'm trained to run a 5K, it'll be so hot outside that I'll probably have to wait till fall to try one or risk spontaneous combustion. They might train people to run but training to run in 100+ degree heat, that's a whole other ball of wax...a drippy, melty ball of wax.

Fight the good fight!  :)

Day 34 - I want to be one of THOSE people...

I am happy to say that although the cold was kicking my butt (that's quite a job with my butt too) I am on the mend and woke up able to breathe (helpful) and feeling a little feisty today!   I'm on the mend, woo hoo.  The cold sure put a dent in my 30-day check in plan so I guess I'll amend it to 45 days and just do it twice instead of 3 times during this 90-day adventure of fun extravaganza.  :)

So I was thinking while laying around sick, about those people who "can't eat" when certain things are going on.  My ex-husband for example, could never eat when it got too hot.  Some people can't eat when they are stressed out or nervous or excited.  Some people can't eat when they are sick and not feeling well. My friend Kathy can't eat when she's too tired, she just goes to bed...can you imagine??  lol   I'm NOT one of those people. I don't know why.  Is it in our upbringing or in our genes?  I mean, unless I'm so sick something is actually coming out of my mouth, I can always put something in it!  I've been eating all damn week, the cold didn't even put a dent in my appetite.  You know what they say.. "Feed a cold!" ? well I did.

This is just something I'm gonna have to deal with whether I understand it or not.  Another piece of my weight-loss puzzle.  I'm feeling fired up again and although I'm laying low this weekend, I'll be hitting it hard come Monday.

It just occurred to me that maybe one day, if I pull this off, that someone really could refer to me as one of THOSE people, funny..hmmm....   :)

Day 29 - How much does this guy weigh?

I woke up with a cold...  I was all ready to move forward on this journey and tackle my eating issues head on, not "stuffy" head on.  I guess I'm going to do it whether I can breath or not.  Oh well.  Does anyone know how much mucus weighs?  I have to weigh in Wednesday at work for my 30-day update and I know this guy is going to bring some friends and not to be mean but he looks a little portly..lol

Seriously, the cold  is inconvenient.  No exercise today and most likely the next couple.  That means I have to really hold the calories down and keep busy or unconscious.  When I get bored I gravitate towards the kitchen.  I just spent an hour redesigning my blog and adding another widget and a new progress page and  now I'm going to remote into work and then maybe a nap?  Hope everyone is doing well and breathing freely.  Fight the good  fight!

Day 28 - Ma'am, step away from the pizza...

Well, I'm almost at the 30 day mark and WOW..just wow.  This is much different (which, I guess means harder) than I thought it would be.  I wonder if most people who set out on such a journey feel the same way?  I thought I could hunker down and for 90 days just be a dieting saint.  Saint Stacey, Patron Saint of All Losers (weight loss losers btw!  no matter how big we all are, we are the coolest kids on the block lol)   Now I'm approaching my first 30 day weigh in/measure in/run in, and the numbers are not going to be that great. 

So with some deep thought about it today, this is where I'm at.  I've got the exercise thing totally under control. I take several classes a week and walk/jog at the park and use dvd's and my treadclimber.  And when I take a class, I TAKE THE CLASS..know what I mean? Yesterday, I pushed so hard in Step that I about passed out.  It's not that I'm pushing with the thought of a weigh-in in mind, it's that I love the music and I want to move like and keep up with the others in the class.  It's so fun.  And I feel great when it's over. Well yesterday I didn't feel that great, but normally I do.   Since starting this blog, I've increased my weights in BodyPump, started Zumba classes at the gym and I jogged my first lap around the park a few nights ago, something I was hoping I would be able to do by the end of the 90 day stretch and look, I did it before 30 days. (yippee)  So I know as far as getting stronger and having more endurance, I'm on my way.  Now, we have to address food. 

Food...oh dear food..what am I gonna do about my stress eating?  I've had a super difficult weekend and I admit I did not handle it well.  I reached out to my old ways of calming my nerves with bad food choices.  I won't go into detail, but there was a frozen pizza involved and it didn't survive the attack  :(    I have a fridge full of healthy choices, homemade soup, a chicken to roast this week but I WANTED the junk.  And I ate it.  I ate it knowing what was going to happen.  Insanity at it's finest.  So today I'm moping, I'm letting myself mope and feel sad and I'm trying to learn to FEEL my feelings not FEED them.  I did figure out something important today.  Although eating doesn't make me feel better, when I'm done eating something bad, my attention turns to the guilt over what I just ate and not the issue originally making me sad, frustrated or angry.  I never got that before...maybe it's a good sign I figured it out??

Some people need to start a diet on a Monday or they wait until the first of the month or they say, I'll start fresh tomorrow.  I need a definitive starting point as well, but usually make it something really odd.  Today is no different.  It's almost 4pm, I'm going to go put on my green jammies, my favorite ones (my favorite color) and I'm going to watch the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth as Mark Darcy with all my blinds closed and the lights out.  It's about 5 hours long.  I'm going to curl up on the couch with my favorite green blanket and just be pathetic.  And when the show is over, I'm starting over.  Maybe starting over isn't the best term? I'm continuing on the next leg of my journey.  First 30 days, got the exercise down.  Next 30 days, keep up the exercise level and focus on food control/stress eating and general intake.   Final 30 days?  lose Lose LOSE!!   I know we can all do this!

Mopingly yours,

Stacey  :-{

Day 25 - Mid Week Check In - grrrr

Good Morning! (well it's morning here)

Just checking in...being accountable.  It's been a challenging week with a couple late nights at work and no exercise the last two days.  Too bad stress didn't burn calories!  Today I have to journal everything that goes into this mouth.  I like thedailyplate.com for this.  I've packed healthy food for work and tonight I'll get my sweat on at the newly discovered Zumba class at the gym.  Tomorrow I have BodyPump and then Step on Saturday and Sunday.  My weigh in next week won't be until Wednesday since Monday is a holiday. I'll have to check the gym schedule for Monday, maybe try another new class?   Hopefully the last couple of days, not perfect or terrible, have kept me where I was so the next few of hitting hard will show a loss next week.

Hope everyone is well.  Remember to be nice to YOU :)

Day 22 - I am stronger than the chocolate cake!

Walking at the park alone isn't exactly my idea of a romantic Valentine's day evening but I'm gonna put on my big girl (and I do mean BIG girl..lol) panties and get out the door in a minute here! 

There was a carb/sweet buffet at work today in honor of v-day and although I had to chant "I am stronger than the chocolate cake, I am stronger than the chocolate cake" out loud every time I passed the break room until it was gone, I didn't have any!  Turns out I am stronger than the chocolate cake, who knew?  I'm also happy that I'm down 2 lbs this week.  The scale is heading in the right direction.  I feel confident going into this week and hope you do too!

Happy Valentines Day!

Day 20 - Turnips, Turkey Burgers and Zumba...Oh My!

What do turnips, turkey burgers and zumba have in common?  Three things I tried that were "new" to me and I loved them all!  I really think I need to break out of my routines, both personal routines and food routines.  It's easy to get in a rut. 

With my discovery of making vegetable soup, I tried turnips and liked them.  Who knew??    Then with my friend Julie in town helping me with improving my cooking skills, we made turkey burgers that were delish!  My normal turkey burger is a frozen patty. Boring!  For this we used fresh ground turkey and added chopped up onions, bell pepper and garlic, mustard and A1 and cooked them on the grill and they were so yummy!!   Then on Thursday night, Julie went with me to my gym for a Zumba class.  I have done the zumba dvd's at home and I've been wanting to go to a class for so long but was too worried I would be the biggest one in the class and just embarrass myself.  I did well!  There were at least 70 people in there and nobody cared what anyone else was doing, we were all too busy just trying to keep up.  And it was so fun!  No guess as to where I'll be next Thursday night at 9...ZUMBA!!!

Julie and I were discussing the definition of insanity, you've all heard it, that it's doing the same thing over and  over but expecting a different result.   I just keep on doing/eating the same things over and over but expecting the scale to show me a different result.   Until now.....   

I'll check in again Monday with my weekly weigh in, I'm feeling really good about this week.

Happy weekend!  :)

Day 17 - Bob tried to kill us last night!

So as I said a few days ago, my best friend Julie has come to visit for the week and our primary goal is to eat wisely, teach me cook a little, exercise every day, teach me to cook a little, have fun and teach me to cook a little.   Well, it's difficult to lift a skillet when you can't feel your arms so it's a good thing Julie did the cooking tonight!  Last night we did the Bob Harper (who I love Love LOVE) Inside Out Strength Training workout and we were feeling it for sure.  Thought we would be limping today but we're actually feeling good like we worked out, which is how I should feel EVERY time I work out. If I'm going to work out for an hour, I should really make that hour count for all that it can..another goal.  And when I work out really hard it's easier to make better food choices because I don't want all that hard work to go for nothing.  And when I eat right, I drink my water.. it's all connected somehow...

Well we just got done eating and are heading out for a walk/jog at the park.  I'm starting to feel my motivation creeping back in, it's about time!!  Thanks to my Julie :)

Hope you're all having a great week and being good to yourselves!

:)

Day 15 - Good!

Short and sweet today - good eats, good exercise, good motivation from Christy's site and a good friend staying with me for a week..that's a lot of good.  We need all the good we can get right? 

Fight the GOOD fight!

Day 14 - Strength in Numbers

Some numbers can be scary:
My age
My checking account balance..lol
My weight!!!

But today, I'm very happy with a number...the number 4.  That's how many comments I received on my post from Friday.  Four people who took a minute to type some words of inspiration that I really needed to hear. 
I often feel like the biggest one at the table, at the meeting, at the step class...  Everyone in my circle knows I'm trying to lose weight but nobody "gets" it really.  They all offer suggestions on how to lose but they don't understand the struggle of it all.  You guys get it, thank you.  I hope to one day return the favor.

I did better this weekend!  I pushed really hard in step class yesterday and got my water in both days.  I've spent the last couple hours making veggie soup for the week and I roasted a chicken, my first one, successfully.  I'm gonna put some Irish oats in the crock pot and I've got breakfast and lunches for the week all done!  Work days are what stresses me the most and seem to be when I fall off the wagon, so not having to plan my food daily should help.  I am lucky that I can eat the same thing over and over.  I usually just go for what's convenient.

And speaking of strength in numbers, my oldest friend Julie is driving from California tomorrow and will stay the week so I will not be alone in this.  I'm sure she'll hold me more accountable than my cat does!  She is also trying to improve her fitness and lose some pounds so we plan a week of eating well and working out.  I'm ready!

So tomorrow I will have my weekly weigh in and I will post my number (probably scary!) here tomorrow night and I will own it, whatever it is.  Then I will hit it hard and continue on this journey with my fellow bloggers.

All four of them  ;)

Day 12 - What the hell happened to day 11??

Wow, this is really testing my...I don't know, I don't even know what it's testing, my fortitude?  Commitment?  Dedication?    I'm in a weird place right now.  Yesterday clocked an 11 on the 1-10 stress meter at work.  I ate bad, I felt my stomach knotting up and keep getting headaches and then after work was so burnt out, just wanted to hide and didn't work out!  I also didn't check in here and seriously considered just getting rid of the whole thing.  I even had myself convinced it would be a better use of time to exercise for 15 minutes a night instead of typing my blog entry o' the day.  Like I would do that right before bed.  Delusional...this is not good!

So today I read some more, I'm always inspired by other bloggers.  I went shopping so I have good stuff in the house.  Drank a LOT of water today so am feeling good about that.  It's a little after 9 and I have a full day tomorrow including step class at noon so that'll be good for me.  Tomorrow afternoon I'll make more soup for next week and I'm also going to try and roast a chicken so..pray for me on that one.  I'm determined to conquer cooking this year with my many other goals.  I'm drinking something called Sassy Water that I found on a site.  It's part of the kick off for the belly fat diet and although I'm not doing that, it sounded interesting so I tried it and like it.  You take 8 cups of water and add 1 lemon sliced thin, 1/2 cucumber sliced thin, 12 spearmint leaves and 1 tsp grated ginger and combine them all in a pitcher and then drink!  Each ingredient does something specific but the only one I can remember now is the ginger helps sooth your intestinal track.  Even if it didn't do anything, I really like the taste and that will help me get the water down.  My goal is 80 oz and I've yet to make it these last two weeks.

Ok, so I'm back in it.  I'm embarrassed I'm faltering so quickly.  I thought I'd go at it like gangbusters but that doesn't seem to be the case.  Going to try and stick to veggies/veggie soup and sassy water for the weekend, get cleaned out a little and do some serious cardio!  My poor body, it doesn't deserve what I do to it.

I can do anything for 90 days!

Day 10 - Bob says "One day at a time"

After Biggest Loser last night, I logged onto facebook.  I'm a huge fan of Bob Harper and of course, signed up his celebrity page so when he posts, it shows on my wall.  Of all the things that could have popped up, it was a short video on motivation.  Getting motivated and then staying there.  As he puts it, keeping your head in the game.  During this very short video he emphasizes "One Day at a Time" and that's what I'm doing today.  I just have to get through today.

I've got my water w/lemon prepped and am going to try and avoid diet soda today (because its sweet) and made irish oats for breakfast and have a big container of veggie soup for lunch.  Snacks will be low fat popcorn and a yogurt and just in case the sweet tooth hits, I've got a tiger bar and a quaker oats low fat bar.  Will try to avoid using those but at least have something not so bad if it kicks in. Ok, tonight I'll walk at the park or do a video.  I just have to get through 15 hours.  

How funny, I went  from I can do anything for 90 days to I just need to get through the next 15 hours...  Yes, I obviously do have a problem here I need to work on.

Happy Wednesday!

Day 9 - Need sweats...not sweets!!

ARRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH...having so much trouble fighting sweets today!  Normally I want meat/protein but my biggest challenge these last few days has been sweets.  WTH?  I'm watching biggest loser, should be at the gym but had to work late and it's cold and windy and I'm totally wimping out here huh??   I've got to find that fire that I read about.  That fire that gets people into kick ass mode...i need that.  I'm going to go to bed thinking of that and maybe I'll wake up with the right mindset.  I have to find that fire....

Gotta light?

Day 8 - 1st weigh in..down .6lb

Ok, so when I started this I had visions of the week one weigh in being more like 6lbs not .6 but at least it is a  loss despite my horrible eating faux pas this past week.  Problem is, I'm losing weight I've already lost twice before.  I'm so frustrated and searching for answers to why it's so difficult to get a grip on my weight.  I just "want" the food that is so bad for me...   It doesn't make any sense to me and it's my life and my cravings and my weight..my tight jeans.   Why do I want to eat that fattening food when I don't feel good afterwards??  Is it sabotage mentally and I'm not going to figure it out?  It tastes good to me and we've all heard the "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" but when I want nachos supreme from taco bell, I forget I want to be thin and fit.  How is this possible?? 

The book I'm reading, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Reshaping the New You, has story after story of folks just like me.  Something triggers in their head and then they go for it...what am I supposed to do until that trigger occurs?  I really think I'm onto something with my concept of trying to take a step back and think about how I would treat myself or what I would say if I were talking to a friend.  Let's it try it right now, what would I say to a friend...

You had a great day today, Stacey!!  You planned your food last night and took it to work today and had plenty of good snacks to chew on while you kicked out those deadline reports today, popcorn, carrots, grapes..good job!!  Way to plan ahead.  I know you're tired and it's almost 7:30 but once you start working out tonight, you'll get a burst of energy that will carry you through and you'll be able to hop in the shower after and then prep for work tomorrow and then you can get some much needed rest.  Then you will have eaten well, worked out and slept well today.  That's the way to get what you want!  You're on the right track. And look, you slipped a little last week but still the scale went down...you're headed in the right direction. And you did great on exercising last week although you were a little challenged to avoid some of your favorite foods, I'm so proud of you.  I guess it's true...

I'm losing my mind...this is going to make me crazy....

Day 7 - Keeping it short

Still fighting, stay tuned!

Day 6 - Am I a grave digger?

So the day started well, my homemade (very yummy) veggie soup for breakfast with 5 fat free saltines and I made it Step class at noon, which I love.  I feel so strong that I can do that even though I'm one of the bigger folks in class.  The instructor changed the last 10 minutes of class to be lunges and squats and I do have to go off board for about 4 minutes still.  I think next week, I'm pushing through all the way.  If I collapse then I collapse damn it.

With this accomplishment behind me, I promptly drove to get frozen yogurt and mcdonalds...wtf???  I wanted it so badly I can't explain it.  Most of the afternoon was spent lamenting what I ate...  Then I decided to take a nap.  Mentally exhausted and disappointed at my behavior I figured I would sleep it off and wake up with an attitude adjustment.  I woke up with an idea about what I would do if I could step outside myself and "help" myself the way I would help a friend in this same situation.  Here's what I'm thinking...

What if I had a friend who called me and said "I just got done with step class and I'm craving junk food, help me!!"   What would I do?  What would I say??  I would of course try and talk them down.  Remind them of all the hard work they just did, how badly they want to be thin and maybe offer alternatives??   So why can I not have that conversation with myself?  I need to work on this.  I need to make substitutions instead of trying deprivation.  I need to maybe bring a snack bar or something for after class....    I'm very needy, huh??

So I will work on this.  I'm enjoying my book Chicken Soup for the Soul, Shaping the New You.  It's full of stories from people who were in the same boat I'm in.   Very inspirational and makes me feel less "broken" and I hope if anyone with a weight problem ever finds this blog, they might feel better knowing they are not alone either.

I'm back on track tonight, more veggie soup for dinner.  It's really tasty and I know will help offset the calorie extravaganza I had this afternoon.  I'm so embarrassed.   I end tonight with a very blunt quote from my book...sometimes you need harsh to get your attention, you know?

"Don't dig your own grave with a fork and spoon."  -  English Proverb

Day 5 - Excuse me, what's a leek?

Ok, slept well..much better frame of mind today.  It's 10 am and I've already gone to BodyPump class, did 30 minutes on the treadmill afterwards AND decided to try and make a big vat of veggie soup for the weekend so went shopping!  For the first time in my almost 44 years, I did have to ask the produce guy at the store for help!  What's a leek, do you sell them?  I was informed a leek is often used for stock  (on the right track here) and that it has an onion/cucumber flavor.  Hard to imagine that but, I'm gamey.  He also had to direct/educate me in turnips and napa cabbage but we made it through.  I was surprised it totaled $20, that includes organic beef broth but sounded like a lot for soup.  It did make a big pot so if it turns out tasty (fingers crossed) I'll be into it for 3 days so it doesn't seem so expensive amortized out.  Here's the before picture:

I scrubbed and peeled and chopped for the entire first album by Lady Antebellum and repeated it for about 3 songs again after that!  Admittedly, cooking is not one of my strong points (Reference Day - 2 The Aftermath of the Squash Bomb post below) but it appears not only do I need to work on what and how to cook, but the containment of the mess created while cooking:

But the bottom line is, I won!  The veggies are in the pot cooking as I speak and no digits were harmed in the making of this soup.   I'm gonna go get in the shower and mentally prepare to sit at the DMV today with my new book, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Shaping the New You.  When I get home later, I'll have a nice pot of nutritious, low calorie veggie soup waiting for me.

And now I know about leeks!

Day 4 - Tone Change??...ummm..yeah

Wow.  Reading the very quick decline in the tone of my posts this week confirm what I'm feeling...I need to regroup and attack!  I'm having good intentions and poor follow through.

It's only 9:30 but I feel like I've had the life sucked right out of me this week. I'm caving into my chocolate urge at work under stress. I actually told a friend on the phone tonight that I couldn't imagine giving up chocolate cake  for  one month.  That's like saying although I want to lose weight, I want to lose it conditionally.  How can I be  opposed to taking pills to lose weight but have no conviction about giving up a problem food for a month?  I need to give that some serious thought tomorrow when I'm not so tired and pissy.

I have work to do short term for this project, short term as in working out hard this weekend (next weigh in is Monday) and  making a better food plan for next week at work and also long term...the month is almost up and this is the last year I intend to need to lose...I want to be in maintenance mode this New Year's Eve.  

Too tired and irritated to eat tonight (that's really a different concept for me too) I'm going to bed because tomorrow at 6am, my big butt better be in Body Pump class!    Lots of exercise this weekend and some much needed meditation time.

I can do this, I will do this....stay tuned  :)

Day 3 - Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance

I've never heard of Charlie Batch but "Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance" is his quote.  I wonder what he, or whoever he had in mind when this came to him, did poorly? I'll have to google it but I'm pretty sure it wasn't inadequate planning for the kick off week of his 90-day health and fitness extravaganza in light of his impending 44th birthday..lol

Today was difficult, I didn't handle the stress of the day well...poor diet soda/water ratio, lots of chocolate at work, and cookies and taco bell for dinner and tonight, I did my taxes instead of exercising and it was as ugly as my squash covered microwave was..not as smelly mind you, but just as ugly.  Although I spent considerable time Sunday preparing for the first week of my project, I guess I didn't know what it would be like to know exactly what to prepare for.  I need to devise a workout schedule that accommodates work, my exercise needs and my fatigue level.  I'm still adjusting to the 4 10-hour shifts and actually had to go in early Monday and today and will do so tomorrow as well.  Also need to reevaluate what I'm taking to work food wise....I will do this!!!

I did exercise last night after all because Biggest Loser was only an hour long, so that's a positive. I got on the treadclimber and did weights and stretching.  Next week I'll take a step class on Tuesday night and watch the Biggest Loser rerun on Wednesday on my laptop while on the treadclimber at home.  Then I get 1 of my 3 classes in and am not up late watching tv on the couch.  So the bright side is that I'm figuring out what I need to tweak on Day 3 instead of Day 30 but I'm still unhappy with my performance today.  I won't drone on... there's no excuse and I think I should just put myself and today to bed.  Tomorrow is my Friday and a chance to get right back on track. 

"You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off...then you stand" ... Rascal Flatts Stand

It's time.  Now, I need to STAND!!!!

Day 2 - The aftermath of the Squash Bomb

I sense a trend here, I'm still on the "picture says a thousand words" kick so, what does this tell you?

Yeah, it was ugly.  I thought a bomb went off.  I was sitting at the kitchen island last night, minding my own business, with a spaghetti squash in the microwave that I intended to be my lunch today.  I was preparing as I always do and then...BOOOOM!!! As I turn to look at the microwave, the door flies open, the squash shoots out onto my tile floor, the door sucks shut and I sit in shock watching the steam exit the vents of the microwave.  Then the giggles hit...how flippin funny is this?  Everybody knows I can't cook but this is epic!  I had to share on facebook and figured I would put here as well if only to serve as a  testament  to the fact that to improve my food intake, I have got to learn how to cook!!!   It took an hour to clean it and I'm still not sure what the hell happened but even now, it's making me giggle a little...REALLY???  I'm trying to be good here and my lunch explodes??  Come on now!  Well, I burned off calories scrubbing and laughing my ass off last night and at work today recounting my squash bomb adventure...there's a bright side to everything right?

As far as checking in for today, day 2, I admit I had a little mindless M&M eating extravaganza in my boss's office and realized tonight that if I want to watch the Biggest Loser on Tuesday nights, I'm gonna have to work out in the morning OR maybe do weight/strength training during commercials...I don't know??  I need a plan for next tuesday, I like the show and  find it  motivating. 

So it was not the best day, not the worst day...well, it was probably the worst day for my squash. Rest in peace my little squash bomb and know that although you were not consumed and savoured, your antics brought smiles and laughter to me, my friends and my coworkers, you did not die in vain. 

= )

Day 1 - A 20 pound sausage in a 10 pound casing

So, a picture's worth a thousand words:

The scary "Before" picture!  1/24/2011

My original idea was to set the timer on the camera to take a full body/head shot this morning, but this one got snapped while I was trying to figure out the timer..and I think it pretty much says it all.  My friend Kathy would call this look A 20 pound sausage stuffed in a 10 pound casing and I would have to agree.   But it's OK because today is the start of my project and I will make sure future check in photos at 30, 60 and finally 90 days are taken in these pajamas.  These cute, purple, pajamas that my mama gave me for Christmas and I was so happy to fit into an XL.  Who was I kidding about the "fit" part.  Jeez...

Anyway..today was good, it's almost time to settle in for bed though.  I stayed within my caloric goal for the day, used the stairs at work a couple times (need to work on remembering to do that) and I went to the gym tonight and got on the treadmill for almost an hour, got my water in and at work today..I weighed:

That is ugggllyyy....I'm just a sneeze away from 200 pounds again...good thing I started this project now!!!  I admit to being more lax with my diet/exercise plan for a couple of weeks before Christmas and I caught a really bad cold right after so with about a month of relaxed standards I'm up about 12 pounds!  My clothes were tighter but I had NO idea I could even put on that much weight in such a short amount of time.  I am shocked.  How is it so difficult to lose it but so easy to put it back on?  My body cannot possibly want to be this heavy..if it does..why??

Also I decided toay that I'm changing my mind about not checking in daily, I've decided to do it..even it's a just saying today was good or today was really challenging or what I ate, photo...just something to be accountable to the project.  My weekly weigh ins with the wellness coach at work, Wendy, will always be included in my Monday posts but will also appear somewhere on the site as a list.  I'm starting to get some ideas for what I want to have on here but I'm such a blogging rookie, not sure how to do anything really besides what you see so far.  Just something else to learn, no problem.  This is a cool project, I'm enjoying it so far...well, all two days of it.  Ok, need to hop in the shower and then I'm going to bed early because I am beat and you can't stop me!!

Quoting my absolute favorite Journey song...Be Good to Yourself :)

Sausage Out!

Prepping the night before and my newfound mantra

So before I do anything else, I'm gonna pre-apologize now for how many times I'm going to write the phrase "I can do anything for 90 days" here.  It's my new mantra and maybe I won't need it the whole 3 months but I'm going to use the hell out of it at the start!

I have been working for about 3 hours tonight trying to get ready for the next 4 days.  I work 4, 10-hour shifts so prepping my food is vital as I'm going to do away with fast food.  I have to remember how fast it sticks to my butt and hips!!   I also need to get a game plan going for workouts and that was another portion of tonight's festivities.   Exhibit #1...The Ball:

This took about an hour between finding it and blowing the darn thing up.  THAT was the tricky part.  It came with a foot pump that at it's best, and I counted after awhile, allowed me 19 pumps before blowing the connector attachment out.  So this was not only exercise in the truest sense of the word (lots of leg action and for a short time, a little "we must, we must, we must improve our bust" arm/chest action) it was certainly an exercise in patience as well.  However, I did persevere and was able to add The Ball to the arsenal of weight loss products at my disposal as seen here:

Years of accumulation, including a free treadclimber someone gave me just to get it out of their house!!  I need to remember what a blessing it is that I have these tools so readily available as they allow me flexibility to meet one of my Top Ten Plan of Attack strategies of exercising every day.  I take Step and Body Pump classes at the gym but that's not something I do every day of the week.  There is no excuse to not get an hour of movement in each day.  I have dvds for pilates, the exercise ball and yoga in addition to Zumba and dance cardio and the step.  Lots to do..no excuses...

Well, just a few more things to finish off tonight and then it's off to Bedfordshire. Sleep is an important component of weight loss and one I'm very good at naturally!  I will take my measurements tomorrow morning, I have my Monday weigh in with the wellness coach at work (impedance scale) and then tomorrow night, I'll go to the gym and hop on the treadmill to see how far I can run.  Those activities will give me the numbers I need to post here tomorrow night for my "starting" numbers.  I won't be posting every day but I will be back tomorrow to post those numbers and check in officially as Day One.  I'm actually kind of excited, a little scared, but excited.

And as we've already discussed, I can do anything for 90 days!  :)