Day 6 - Am I a grave digger?

So the day started well, my homemade (very yummy) veggie soup for breakfast with 5 fat free saltines and I made it Step class at noon, which I love.  I feel so strong that I can do that even though I'm one of the bigger folks in class.  The instructor changed the last 10 minutes of class to be lunges and squats and I do have to go off board for about 4 minutes still.  I think next week, I'm pushing through all the way.  If I collapse then I collapse damn it.

With this accomplishment behind me, I promptly drove to get frozen yogurt and mcdonalds...wtf???  I wanted it so badly I can't explain it.  Most of the afternoon was spent lamenting what I ate...  Then I decided to take a nap.  Mentally exhausted and disappointed at my behavior I figured I would sleep it off and wake up with an attitude adjustment.  I woke up with an idea about what I would do if I could step outside myself and "help" myself the way I would help a friend in this same situation.  Here's what I'm thinking...

What if I had a friend who called me and said "I just got done with step class and I'm craving junk food, help me!!"   What would I do?  What would I say??  I would of course try and talk them down.  Remind them of all the hard work they just did, how badly they want to be thin and maybe offer alternatives??   So why can I not have that conversation with myself?  I need to work on this.  I need to make substitutions instead of trying deprivation.  I need to maybe bring a snack bar or something for after class....    I'm very needy, huh??

So I will work on this.  I'm enjoying my book Chicken Soup for the Soul, Shaping the New You.  It's full of stories from people who were in the same boat I'm in.   Very inspirational and makes me feel less "broken" and I hope if anyone with a weight problem ever finds this blog, they might feel better knowing they are not alone either.

I'm back on track tonight, more veggie soup for dinner.  It's really tasty and I know will help offset the calorie extravaganza I had this afternoon.  I'm so embarrassed.   I end tonight with a very blunt quote from my book...sometimes you need harsh to get your attention, you know?

"Don't dig your own grave with a fork and spoon."  -  English Proverb