Day 8 - 1st weigh in..down .6lb

Ok, so when I started this I had visions of the week one weigh in being more like 6lbs not .6 but at least it is a  loss despite my horrible eating faux pas this past week.  Problem is, I'm losing weight I've already lost twice before.  I'm so frustrated and searching for answers to why it's so difficult to get a grip on my weight.  I just "want" the food that is so bad for me...   It doesn't make any sense to me and it's my life and my cravings and my weight..my tight jeans.   Why do I want to eat that fattening food when I don't feel good afterwards??  Is it sabotage mentally and I'm not going to figure it out?  It tastes good to me and we've all heard the "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" but when I want nachos supreme from taco bell, I forget I want to be thin and fit.  How is this possible?? 

The book I'm reading, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Reshaping the New You, has story after story of folks just like me.  Something triggers in their head and then they go for it...what am I supposed to do until that trigger occurs?  I really think I'm onto something with my concept of trying to take a step back and think about how I would treat myself or what I would say if I were talking to a friend.  Let's it try it right now, what would I say to a friend...

You had a great day today, Stacey!!  You planned your food last night and took it to work today and had plenty of good snacks to chew on while you kicked out those deadline reports today, popcorn, carrots, grapes..good job!!  Way to plan ahead.  I know you're tired and it's almost 7:30 but once you start working out tonight, you'll get a burst of energy that will carry you through and you'll be able to hop in the shower after and then prep for work tomorrow and then you can get some much needed rest.  Then you will have eaten well, worked out and slept well today.  That's the way to get what you want!  You're on the right track. And look, you slipped a little last week but still the scale went down...you're headed in the right direction. And you did great on exercising last week although you were a little challenged to avoid some of your favorite foods, I'm so proud of you.  I guess it's true...

I'm losing my mind...this is going to make me crazy....

Day 7 - Keeping it short

Still fighting, stay tuned!

Day 6 - Am I a grave digger?

So the day started well, my homemade (very yummy) veggie soup for breakfast with 5 fat free saltines and I made it Step class at noon, which I love.  I feel so strong that I can do that even though I'm one of the bigger folks in class.  The instructor changed the last 10 minutes of class to be lunges and squats and I do have to go off board for about 4 minutes still.  I think next week, I'm pushing through all the way.  If I collapse then I collapse damn it.

With this accomplishment behind me, I promptly drove to get frozen yogurt and mcdonalds...wtf???  I wanted it so badly I can't explain it.  Most of the afternoon was spent lamenting what I ate...  Then I decided to take a nap.  Mentally exhausted and disappointed at my behavior I figured I would sleep it off and wake up with an attitude adjustment.  I woke up with an idea about what I would do if I could step outside myself and "help" myself the way I would help a friend in this same situation.  Here's what I'm thinking...

What if I had a friend who called me and said "I just got done with step class and I'm craving junk food, help me!!"   What would I do?  What would I say??  I would of course try and talk them down.  Remind them of all the hard work they just did, how badly they want to be thin and maybe offer alternatives??   So why can I not have that conversation with myself?  I need to work on this.  I need to make substitutions instead of trying deprivation.  I need to maybe bring a snack bar or something for after class....    I'm very needy, huh??

So I will work on this.  I'm enjoying my book Chicken Soup for the Soul, Shaping the New You.  It's full of stories from people who were in the same boat I'm in.   Very inspirational and makes me feel less "broken" and I hope if anyone with a weight problem ever finds this blog, they might feel better knowing they are not alone either.

I'm back on track tonight, more veggie soup for dinner.  It's really tasty and I know will help offset the calorie extravaganza I had this afternoon.  I'm so embarrassed.   I end tonight with a very blunt quote from my book...sometimes you need harsh to get your attention, you know?

"Don't dig your own grave with a fork and spoon."  -  English Proverb

Day 5 - Excuse me, what's a leek?

Ok, slept well..much better frame of mind today.  It's 10 am and I've already gone to BodyPump class, did 30 minutes on the treadmill afterwards AND decided to try and make a big vat of veggie soup for the weekend so went shopping!  For the first time in my almost 44 years, I did have to ask the produce guy at the store for help!  What's a leek, do you sell them?  I was informed a leek is often used for stock  (on the right track here) and that it has an onion/cucumber flavor.  Hard to imagine that but, I'm gamey.  He also had to direct/educate me in turnips and napa cabbage but we made it through.  I was surprised it totaled $20, that includes organic beef broth but sounded like a lot for soup.  It did make a big pot so if it turns out tasty (fingers crossed) I'll be into it for 3 days so it doesn't seem so expensive amortized out.  Here's the before picture:

I scrubbed and peeled and chopped for the entire first album by Lady Antebellum and repeated it for about 3 songs again after that!  Admittedly, cooking is not one of my strong points (Reference Day - 2 The Aftermath of the Squash Bomb post below) but it appears not only do I need to work on what and how to cook, but the containment of the mess created while cooking:

But the bottom line is, I won!  The veggies are in the pot cooking as I speak and no digits were harmed in the making of this soup.   I'm gonna go get in the shower and mentally prepare to sit at the DMV today with my new book, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Shaping the New You.  When I get home later, I'll have a nice pot of nutritious, low calorie veggie soup waiting for me.

And now I know about leeks!

Day 4 - Tone Change??...ummm..yeah

Wow.  Reading the very quick decline in the tone of my posts this week confirm what I'm feeling...I need to regroup and attack!  I'm having good intentions and poor follow through.

It's only 9:30 but I feel like I've had the life sucked right out of me this week. I'm caving into my chocolate urge at work under stress. I actually told a friend on the phone tonight that I couldn't imagine giving up chocolate cake  for  one month.  That's like saying although I want to lose weight, I want to lose it conditionally.  How can I be  opposed to taking pills to lose weight but have no conviction about giving up a problem food for a month?  I need to give that some serious thought tomorrow when I'm not so tired and pissy.

I have work to do short term for this project, short term as in working out hard this weekend (next weigh in is Monday) and  making a better food plan for next week at work and also long term...the month is almost up and this is the last year I intend to need to lose...I want to be in maintenance mode this New Year's Eve.  

Too tired and irritated to eat tonight (that's really a different concept for me too) I'm going to bed because tomorrow at 6am, my big butt better be in Body Pump class!    Lots of exercise this weekend and some much needed meditation time.

I can do this, I will do this....stay tuned  :)

Day 3 - Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance

I've never heard of Charlie Batch but "Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance" is his quote.  I wonder what he, or whoever he had in mind when this came to him, did poorly? I'll have to google it but I'm pretty sure it wasn't inadequate planning for the kick off week of his 90-day health and fitness extravaganza in light of his impending 44th birthday..lol

Today was difficult, I didn't handle the stress of the day well...poor diet soda/water ratio, lots of chocolate at work, and cookies and taco bell for dinner and tonight, I did my taxes instead of exercising and it was as ugly as my squash covered microwave was..not as smelly mind you, but just as ugly.  Although I spent considerable time Sunday preparing for the first week of my project, I guess I didn't know what it would be like to know exactly what to prepare for.  I need to devise a workout schedule that accommodates work, my exercise needs and my fatigue level.  I'm still adjusting to the 4 10-hour shifts and actually had to go in early Monday and today and will do so tomorrow as well.  Also need to reevaluate what I'm taking to work food wise....I will do this!!!

I did exercise last night after all because Biggest Loser was only an hour long, so that's a positive. I got on the treadclimber and did weights and stretching.  Next week I'll take a step class on Tuesday night and watch the Biggest Loser rerun on Wednesday on my laptop while on the treadclimber at home.  Then I get 1 of my 3 classes in and am not up late watching tv on the couch.  So the bright side is that I'm figuring out what I need to tweak on Day 3 instead of Day 30 but I'm still unhappy with my performance today.  I won't drone on... there's no excuse and I think I should just put myself and today to bed.  Tomorrow is my Friday and a chance to get right back on track. 

"You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off...then you stand" ... Rascal Flatts Stand

It's time.  Now, I need to STAND!!!!

Day 2 - The aftermath of the Squash Bomb

I sense a trend here, I'm still on the "picture says a thousand words" kick so, what does this tell you?

Yeah, it was ugly.  I thought a bomb went off.  I was sitting at the kitchen island last night, minding my own business, with a spaghetti squash in the microwave that I intended to be my lunch today.  I was preparing as I always do and then...BOOOOM!!! As I turn to look at the microwave, the door flies open, the squash shoots out onto my tile floor, the door sucks shut and I sit in shock watching the steam exit the vents of the microwave.  Then the giggles hit...how flippin funny is this?  Everybody knows I can't cook but this is epic!  I had to share on facebook and figured I would put here as well if only to serve as a  testament  to the fact that to improve my food intake, I have got to learn how to cook!!!   It took an hour to clean it and I'm still not sure what the hell happened but even now, it's making me giggle a little...REALLY???  I'm trying to be good here and my lunch explodes??  Come on now!  Well, I burned off calories scrubbing and laughing my ass off last night and at work today recounting my squash bomb adventure...there's a bright side to everything right?

As far as checking in for today, day 2, I admit I had a little mindless M&M eating extravaganza in my boss's office and realized tonight that if I want to watch the Biggest Loser on Tuesday nights, I'm gonna have to work out in the morning OR maybe do weight/strength training during commercials...I don't know??  I need a plan for next tuesday, I like the show and  find it  motivating. 

So it was not the best day, not the worst day...well, it was probably the worst day for my squash. Rest in peace my little squash bomb and know that although you were not consumed and savoured, your antics brought smiles and laughter to me, my friends and my coworkers, you did not die in vain. 

= )

Day 1 - A 20 pound sausage in a 10 pound casing

So, a picture's worth a thousand words:

The scary "Before" picture!  1/24/2011

My original idea was to set the timer on the camera to take a full body/head shot this morning, but this one got snapped while I was trying to figure out the timer..and I think it pretty much says it all.  My friend Kathy would call this look A 20 pound sausage stuffed in a 10 pound casing and I would have to agree.   But it's OK because today is the start of my project and I will make sure future check in photos at 30, 60 and finally 90 days are taken in these pajamas.  These cute, purple, pajamas that my mama gave me for Christmas and I was so happy to fit into an XL.  Who was I kidding about the "fit" part.  Jeez...

Anyway..today was good, it's almost time to settle in for bed though.  I stayed within my caloric goal for the day, used the stairs at work a couple times (need to work on remembering to do that) and I went to the gym tonight and got on the treadmill for almost an hour, got my water in and at work today..I weighed:

That is ugggllyyy....I'm just a sneeze away from 200 pounds again...good thing I started this project now!!!  I admit to being more lax with my diet/exercise plan for a couple of weeks before Christmas and I caught a really bad cold right after so with about a month of relaxed standards I'm up about 12 pounds!  My clothes were tighter but I had NO idea I could even put on that much weight in such a short amount of time.  I am shocked.  How is it so difficult to lose it but so easy to put it back on?  My body cannot possibly want to be this heavy..if it does..why??

Also I decided toay that I'm changing my mind about not checking in daily, I've decided to do it..even it's a just saying today was good or today was really challenging or what I ate, photo...just something to be accountable to the project.  My weekly weigh ins with the wellness coach at work, Wendy, will always be included in my Monday posts but will also appear somewhere on the site as a list.  I'm starting to get some ideas for what I want to have on here but I'm such a blogging rookie, not sure how to do anything really besides what you see so far.  Just something else to learn, no problem.  This is a cool project, I'm enjoying it so far...well, all two days of it.  Ok, need to hop in the shower and then I'm going to bed early because I am beat and you can't stop me!!

Quoting my absolute favorite Journey song...Be Good to Yourself :)

Sausage Out!

Prepping the night before and my newfound mantra

So before I do anything else, I'm gonna pre-apologize now for how many times I'm going to write the phrase "I can do anything for 90 days" here.  It's my new mantra and maybe I won't need it the whole 3 months but I'm going to use the hell out of it at the start!

I have been working for about 3 hours tonight trying to get ready for the next 4 days.  I work 4, 10-hour shifts so prepping my food is vital as I'm going to do away with fast food.  I have to remember how fast it sticks to my butt and hips!!   I also need to get a game plan going for workouts and that was another portion of tonight's festivities.   Exhibit #1...The Ball:

This took about an hour between finding it and blowing the darn thing up.  THAT was the tricky part.  It came with a foot pump that at it's best, and I counted after awhile, allowed me 19 pumps before blowing the connector attachment out.  So this was not only exercise in the truest sense of the word (lots of leg action and for a short time, a little "we must, we must, we must improve our bust" arm/chest action) it was certainly an exercise in patience as well.  However, I did persevere and was able to add The Ball to the arsenal of weight loss products at my disposal as seen here:

Years of accumulation, including a free treadclimber someone gave me just to get it out of their house!!  I need to remember what a blessing it is that I have these tools so readily available as they allow me flexibility to meet one of my Top Ten Plan of Attack strategies of exercising every day.  I take Step and Body Pump classes at the gym but that's not something I do every day of the week.  There is no excuse to not get an hour of movement in each day.  I have dvds for pilates, the exercise ball and yoga in addition to Zumba and dance cardio and the step.  Lots to do..no excuses...

Well, just a few more things to finish off tonight and then it's off to Bedfordshire. Sleep is an important component of weight loss and one I'm very good at naturally!  I will take my measurements tomorrow morning, I have my Monday weigh in with the wellness coach at work (impedance scale) and then tomorrow night, I'll go to the gym and hop on the treadmill to see how far I can run.  Those activities will give me the numbers I need to post here tomorrow night for my "starting" numbers.  I won't be posting every day but I will be back tomorrow to post those numbers and check in officially as Day One.  I'm actually kind of excited, a little scared, but excited.

And as we've already discussed, I can do anything for 90 days!  :)