Day 90 - Happy Birthday to Me (aka the Project ends)

Good Morning and Happy Easter!

Today is the final day of the official Stacey Campbell Fitter or Fatter at 44 project.  I'm happy to report that although I'm not fitter, I'm not any fatter either (so that's something right?) but more importantly, I'm SMARTER when it comes to my battle of the bulge.

I learned so much in the last 90 days.  I've experienced emotional and now physical (I recently visited a podiatrist for Plantar Faciaitis, yeah it was fun) setbacks that weren't anticipated.  I've learned I'm an extremist when it comes to just about anything with an all or nothing, black or white mindset.  This is not a healthy way to think and makes overcoming 20+ years of being overweight like a bad science experiment.  Must have a strict plan to pursue my personal quest to pursue at all costs!  Obsessed!!  So obsessed that my goals can be unrealistic, my tactics self destructive to my emotional health.  Setting my self up for failure.

I've started therapy and am working to change my mindset and understand what some of my issues are.  Although we haven't focused specifically on weight and for that matter, never really intended to, some of the tools I'm learning can be applied in the weight loss arena as well. 

So my birthday will pass quietly today because that's how I wanted it this year.  A quiet day of reflection and to make a non-obsessive game plan for how I can make small changes in the future that will improve my health and fitness without letting it completely take over my entire life.   My goal is to be able to work on my "issues" in a more balanced and sustainable fashion.  Very small improvements over time while enjoying my life.

That sounds like a pretty good plan....

Day 76 - This doesn't "feel" healthy

It feels like another cause of stress in my life. I read once that to be thin, think/act/eat like a thin person.  Thin people don't obsess. At least the few I know don't obsess.  Even if they do, I'm sure that's not what I want.  I'm not willing to be thin at any cost.  Again, I just caught that I'm using "thin" instead of "fit", I have to stop that.

Need to think more on this...

Day 70 - Snacks

It's Sunday night, I'm trying to anticipate what will throw me over the edge this week.  We have a new fun thing at work where everyone has food all over the place all the time.  I've got some snacks prepped for my 4 day work week: almonds, yogurt, oranges and grapes.  I also usually eat a bell pepper each day. You know what they say, a bell pepper a day...what does it do again??

Anyway, that has to be it, no work snacks.  I'm absolutely positive that cheeze-its are the spawn of satan.

Fight the good fight!  :)

Day 68 - A little doggie therapy

This is not Cleopas but it's darn cute!

I recently began volunteering at our local animal shelter here in Las Vegas.  There are so many dogs and I volunteer as a dog-walker.  We socialize the dogs, get them out of the kennels and work to keep them sane until they are adopted.  I figured I would get some exercise, interact with dogs (I want one but it's not a good time to have one) and be helping a worthy cause at the same time.  Who knew that I would get so much out of it so quickly?

I was there for a couple hours this morning and the last dog I worked with, a chihuahua named Cleopas, was a little scaredy cat that I ended up carrying around the bungalows instead of walking.  I keep little doggie treats with me to help the timid ones warm up to me but she wouldn't have one, not even interested.  I told her "You must not be hungry" and then I started thinking, the other dogs who took the treats had the same food available that Cleopas had. I hadn't assumed they were hungry because they took treats. They just love those treats! Like I just love ice cream and pizza.   I've always laughed at sayings like "If you won't eat an apple, then you're not really hungry" thinking whoever came up with that must have never had an eating problem.  Well, it's not sounding so stupid to me now.  The tricky part is understanding whether you're really physically hungry or you're feeding something else besides your stomach.  Just eating cause it tastes good or makes you feel good.  Really, it's just food.  It's function is to keep us going so we can devote time to important things in our lives, important people, causes, responsibilities and the important fun stuff, exercise, laughter, adventure!  This doesn't mean it has to be bland or we have to only eat apples but it does mean we have to understand why we're reaching for cheeze-its at work when we just ate an hour prior.

When did (and why did) my expectation of what food is supposed to do for me change?  I'll be thinking about it over the next few days and when I eat, I have to be mindful of what I'm expecting the food I eat to do for me.  I need to focus on the other areas of my life, the areas that eating well allows me to participate in instead of thinking about just the "eating" part.  I'll be thanking Cleopas on Sunday :)

Fight the good fight!